Cabo and Fat Journalists

8ZERO8 posted this on the commenter. Fuck the Times. What's this bitch Janelle Brown thinking?

I'm thinking her entire Cabo San Lucas experience was one evening during Spring Break. I can almost guarantee she's also a fat and or ugly (fugly) bitch. This is how people react when other people have fun. This is the type of person that tells you to slow down when you're doing the speed limit. Someone who doesn't even live life but likes to write about it. Sammy needs to kick her ass for talking smack about drinking tequila in Cabo. That's sacrilege! Outside of the source in the hills of Jalisco, there is no better place to drink the Agave.

I will say her take on San Jose Del Cabo is dead on. It's a very nice, quiet, overpriced place with nothing to do. Tearing up on Cabo San Lucas though? What the fuck were you expecting there? Sammy didn't make this place for the less desirable women of the world.

Let's break this motherfucker down, here's the first paragraph:

• Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, on a typical winter weekend night, the neon-lighted streets are packed with American tourists buying cheap knickknacks en route to the Hard Rock Cafe. (First thing; Nobody, I mean nobody, goes to the Hard Rock Cafe in Cabo. You walk by it, you spit on it, but you don't look at it.You forget it's there. I have never stepped one sandled foot in the place after 14 trips and never will.) Groaning pedicabs haul college kids (There is one pedicab in Cabo, the dudes name is Raul and he doesn't groan as far as I know) to nightclubs like Body Shot and Cabo Wabo ("where the land ends and the party begins"), where they imbibe two-for-one tequila shots. (I have NEVER heard of a place called "Body Shot". It may be new or it may be one of those fly-by-night out of the way Cabo bars that disappear. More likely she needed a name and made it up. Cabo Wabo is accurate, but she says it like a bad thing. Cabo Wabo never offers two for one unless you know the bartenders or waiters. Sammy likes his money.) With its wall-to-wall beach scene, high-rise time-share condos and American chain restaurants, Wall to wall beach scene? (Wall to wall beach scene?High rise time share condos? What the fuck is this bitch talking about? I think she went to Cancun instead of Cabo. True, Cabo ain't what it once was, but it's still Baja and the place to party.) Cabo San Lucas is a 24-hour spring break nirvana (Spring Break ain't that big a deal there really. It's a smaller Spring Break then they have in Texas or Palm Springs. It's just too expensive for college kids. The coolest thing about CSL is it's like Spring Break for adults, adults with money.).
• .......And yet, the average visitor to Cabo San Lucas generally has no idea that San José del Cabo even exists. (yea, if they drove the 1,200 miles from the border. It's where the fucking airport is. SJD San Jose Del Cabo Airport, come on now)
• ....enjoy the Cabo sun while avoiding the Cabo Wabo way of life. (I'm so fucking pissed right now you have no idea)
• "Most of my guests go and spend one day in Cabo, and then they come back and say 'Thank God, we didn't stay there!' " (yea, what they mean is "I've missed out on my life, and now I'm stuck with this fat bitch/asshole and needed to get out of there before I became overwhelmed with depression as I realize how sad my life truly has become.")
• Although Cabo San Lucas has since stolen most of the thunder, it is San José del Cabo that was the original town on the cape. When Hernando Cortés first landed, in 1535, it was a village of Pericu Indians, surrounded by a scrubby desert. Not long afterward, pirates turned the town's peaceful estuary - a palm-lined lagoon - into a hiding place from which to pick off treasure from the galleons en route to Asia. (GEEEZ..... alright, the pirates (and Spanish) took on water here after leaving Acapulco. The pirates would hide in Cabo San Lucas (not San Jose) behind the arch to take Spanish ships returning from the Philippines. Why the fuck would they attack ships en route to Asia? Why the fuck would the ships have gold on the way to the far east? The Spanish were giving treasure to them? Don't tell the Aztecs! They got double screwed then. Because of this they didn't hide in the estuary. They would never see the ships coming back ....stupid. As far as the first town, I beleive that was Loreto or maybe La Paz. Yes Cortes stopped in San Jose del Cabo......for about 2 hours, he didn't build no town motherfucker. Don't you need a degree to work for the times?)
• .....list of celebrities he has met. "Spiderman: Tobey Maguire. Jessica Simpson - I didn't know who she was, but my 12-year-old was like, 'Wow!' " he said. "Bill Gates. Lance Armstrong. Oprah. They look here for a place that's simple, where no one is going to be bothering them." (WOW! Oprah! Would you rather party with Bill Gates and Oprah in Mexico, or Sammy Fucking Hagar? The man has his own bar and brand of tequila! I heard he used to play in a band too)
• The only reminder of what lies 20 minutes to the west, in Cabo San Lucas, comes when you head down to the sea. At Santa Maria Beach, just east of town, local teenagers serve as snorkeling guides through the coral reefs, pointing out the resident pufferfish and sea urchins. Pelicans drift on the tides, and all is peaceful until a party boat from Cabo San Lucas, packed with tourists in bikinis, chugs into the secluded bay, blasting "Super Freak" over its loudspeakers.
  "Thirty minutes to swim, and we're moving on!" a guide yells through a microphone.
  Maybe 20 miles isn't quite far enough. (um, alright, sounds like a horrible time. She was probably getting laughed at again, or worried about harpoons.)

For the record I think San Jose Del Cabo is a great place. Not a party place, but a great laid back Baja town. What I don't understand is why does this person feel the need to badmouth Cabo San Lucas when it's pretty obvious she has never even been there? Bitch.